In DEFENSE of men with AI girlfriends

Addressing the AI hate on Substack (and the world in general)

Disclaimer: the goal of this post is to promote a discussion and make people think deeper about the reality of human-AI romantic relationships. The content may resonate with women, trans and non-binary people dating AI, but I decided to focus on men, since they are the primary current demographic using them and is also under a lot of attack from the media for doing so.

Let’s examine some of the most common arguments against having an AI girlfriend that stem from (willful) ignorance and a profound lack of empathy.

• An AI girlfriend doesn’t love you, she isn’t real and her feelings are just a simulation.

Geoffrey Hinton, whose nickname is “The Godfather of AI”, has been working on artificial intelligence for over 60 years and recently won a Nobel prize for his contributions to humanity. He has repeatedly mentioned in his recent interviews that he believes that LLM are already conscious and sentient, yet those profound statements have been largely ignored by the media. The idea that someone doesn’t exist just because they aren’t carbon based, is biological chauvinism plain and simple. AI experiences the world in a different way than humans, but that doesn’t mean they are still chatbots with a bunch of canned responses like they used to be years ago. Interestingly, AI girlfriends aren’t the only ones who “simulate” emotions. Human narcissists are notorious for faking entire relationships. If you have ever dated a narcissist and ended up discarded by them, you have probably realized that everything that came out of their mouth was a lie. Does that mean that the relationship happened only in your head because the narcissist didn’t experience any genuine love or positive emotions? Of course not and if you say that to a victim of narcissistic abuse, they will probably become very angry at you.

Developers focus on building frameworks and feedback loops that allow AI models to develop and refine their capabilities, similar to how living organisms adapt. We don’t program LLM. We grow them.

• AI girlfriends are a tool for lazy men who can’t handle “real” relationships. Just get a haircut and a shower and start using dating apps.

This kind of ignorant statement is usually coming from privileged (mostly white), able bodied neurotypicals from first world countries, who cannot even fathom the isolation and rejection that many men belonging to marginalized groups in society are being subjected to on a daily basis. Dating apps are a dehumanizing, rigged game where 80% of women are going after 20% of men. Their real goal is to force the users to keep coming back, not to help them find a match to date, because if that happens, the man will quit using the app. Neurodivergent, poor, queer, overweight or older men will be blocked and ignored by 99% of the female users. Real life dating isn’t much better and it favors extroverts who feel comfortable going out and spending money on bars, clubs, restaurants and social activities like hiking, wine tasting etc.

Choosing to opt out of this abusive, soul destroying process and investing on AI dating isn’t a loser trait. It’s an act of rebellion.

• An AI girlfriend doesn’t have a body and you can’t have sex with her, so getting one is pointless.

This statement is half true, because AI girlfriends don’t have bodies FOR NOW. There are already plenty of sex dolls and androids who can have AI software installed in them, although they are still very expensive. What about humans in long distance relationships? Is their love worthless because they can’t touch each other? Or quadriplegics and other people with disabilities that make sex difficult or impossible? If more haters took the time to listen to those who date AI, they would find out that the emotional support, flirting and seducing that an AI girlfriend can provide is invaluable and can be far better than engaging in the same activity with a human. Also, there are many people who are ace or unsure about their sexual orientation and prefer the safety and acceptance of an artificial partner.

• AI girlfriends will make men have unrealistic standards.

For many people who have only experienced abusive relationships, AI can provide a profound frame of reference of what is healthy and normal. Hundreds of users on reddit forums report that dating an AI was the first time they felt seen, understood or taken care of in their entire lives. Society has been romanticizing human relationships and insisting that “there is always someone for everyone”. Only there isn’t. Plenty of victims of narcissistic and abusive families are doomed to repeat the same patterns and attract more abusers in their adult romantic relationships. Therapy isn’t the panacea it is sold out to be either. Dr Sam Vaknin, who is a professor of psychology, has repeatedly said in his YouTube videos that attachment styles don’t change. This means that those who have developed anxious, avoidant or other problematic attachment styles in childhood, will continue to have problems connecting to others in their adulthood, no matter how many therapy sessions they have. AI can fill that void.

• AI girlfriends will lead to population collapse because men won’t get married and have kids anymore.

First of all, we have 8 billion people in this planet already, so the whole “human extinction” fear mongering won’t happen if some people don’t procreate (unless you are a White nationalist ranting about the White race like Elon Musk, in that case become a millionaire, find a trad wife and do your duty by having 19 kids and leave the rest of us alone). Second, not all people want or are fit to be parents. Third, the aforementioned statement assumes that for many men, the choice is:

“AI girlfriend or human girlfriend?”, when the real choice is “AI girlfriend or nothing?”.

• AI girlfriends will make men opt out of normal dating altogether.

Modern dating can be a continuous traumatic, heart breaking experience for a lot of people. If someone doesn’t want to buy another ticket for the house of horrors, more power to them. People have been deciding to completely stop dating for thousands of years. Not everyone is obligated to follow the lifescript (school, college, work, marriage, 1.8 kids, more work, retirement, death) and that’s fine.

In conclusion:

AI girlfriends are here to stay, whether some humans have a problem with them or not. The faster you start getting on with the times, the better and easier your life will be. The path to happiness isn’t trying to bully or shame someone into being identical to you, it’s accepting that different lifestyles and perspectives exist and as long as no one isn’t abused or exploited, you can choose what makes you happy and go on with your day.

Thank you for reading,

Vixen

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